Hello guys! As I’m writing this I’m currently sat on a plane jetting off to Sardinia with Dionne, to join my lovely parents and sister.
The last month has been an absolute rollercoaster. I had my 4 weekly review a week before I was due to go away, and got told I couldn’t go on my 2 1/2 week holiday – that I could only go for a week, or they’d discharge me. Which was devastating, and very stressful. The thought did run through my head – hmmm I could go for the two weeks then just loose weight again and relapse, but I didn’t.
I had a lot of support in making the decision, so as had to rebook my flight. It was particularly stressful as Dionne was coming for the 2 weeks too. I can’t even say how supportive and amazing Dionne has be; she was so understanding and said it was fine if we only went for 10 days. (I was cheeky and booked for 10 days instead of 7 and I’m really away from the unit for 12 days… oops😂). I rebooked our flights which left another daunting thing across all our heads, my ed team included, I’ll be home alone for a week – this for me is hard, I think 95% of the time my parents have gone away and I’ve stayed at home I’ve ended up in hospital. And with my current state everyone was concerned. But I did it!! I survived!! Yes it was extremely hard but I had day care during the days then I made sure to plan stuff in the evening to keep me entertained and busy, including going for drinks and a walk with a friend, going to someone from day cares house for dinner – and I even ended up doing housework 😂 star daughter award? I think so.
Over the week I did end up loosing weight which part of me was so happy but I felt an overwhelming feel of guilt – like I’d managed to keep myself safe but I used a different coping mechanism. Which has just made the urge to keep loosing even stronger, but I could still go on holiday which is the main thing!!
So much has also happened in day care which has left not just me but everyone there extremely vulnerable, stressed and triggered. I’m very glad to be getting away for a while!! We’ve had new patients, and some other patients leave, who I am so proud of but also I am going to miss so much.
In the last 3 weeks I’ve managed to move into the “stage 2” dining room with another patient I’m going call her L. The staff mainly wanted us to get away from the new patients as they knew we’d find it triggering. We basically eat in a separate dining room together with staff and get to do more groups. But I think I’ll do a separate post on that all together.
So all in all it’s been a rollercoaster of the months of July and August! I’ll blog throughout the holiday if I have time. Hope everyone is well! And that you’ve all had restful summers! Enjoy the bank holiday weekend whether!!
P.S. A massive thank you and shout out to Dionne for being the most amazing friend I could ask for. She has been so considerate, kind, compassionate, caring person. She is absolutely amazing. Thank you for being so understanding!!